I have had many ups and downs in my life. I can get really really upset, to the point where I don't know who I am anymore. I used to think that the world was a perfect thing, nothing wrong with it. About a year ago, something drastic happened to me that changed my life forever. Now as I get older, I see that life is a lot of bad, and fast down hill.
She had been in a NY hospital, many times. She has cancer, bone marrow cancer. My dad and I wait in the Brooklyn Hospital waiting room. Stiff plastic chairs and hard white lights. She walks out to us. My dad buys food from a vendor outside. I don’t remember what we ate, but she sat and ate. She seemed better. I remember she took off her jacket to go to the bathroom, like we were in some kind of restaurant.
“I threw up,” she says. When she returns.
“You okay?’ I ask.
“Yea- just want to go home,” she says. A van picks us up to take us home.
Later on we are talking while watching movies in her bed. My dad is asleep, as usual, and he is snoring pretty badly from his bed next to us. She and I talk until I fall asleep with the TV on, her by my side.
I wake up to a silent room, except for the soft rain outside my window. The light is coming in from outside and the TV is off. She must have shut it off after I went to sleep.
I don’t like the way she feels next to me this morning-different. I touch her lightly and she doesn’t move. She feels hard and cold. She’s not breathing. I am in shock. I’m not really breathing. I look at her again. She has mucus coming out of her mouth and nose. I call my mom for help since she’s a nurse.
“What does it mean when a person’s fingertips are blue?” I ask.
“She’s not breathing and her fingertips are blue? She’s passed away, honey,” my mom says. “I hope you are okay,” she says to me.
I start to push her to wake up.
“Pam, Wake up,” I shout. My dad is hysterical, pacing back and fourth, and crying.
“Pam, wake up.” I say pushing her, but she doesn’t wake up.
I call the police.
“I think my step mom has passed,” I say.
The police arrive a half hour later and wrap up her body. They say it’s “standard procedure.”
I was very close to my stepmom, Pam. We slept in the same bed together and she looked out for me when I came to visit. I wondered what would happen to me because my dad had jobs, but he didn't keep em. Pam worked until she was too sick. But even when she couldn't work anymore, she got checks and figured out how to take care of us. I'm afraid of another close one leaving me, and going awsy forever. I still see my dad, but not that often. I still live with my mom- and she does everything, but I still think about my past.
It would mean a lot to me to win this competition. I can't remember ever winning anything.
“I wake up from dreams and go "Wow, put this down on paper." The whole thing is strange. You hear the words, everything is right there in front of your face . . .”